Be So Happy
by Lila2
Summary: Dan can't save everyone, but he can still give them the endings they deserve.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** "Be So Happy"

**Author: **Lila

**Rating:** PG-13

**Character/Pairing:** Blair, Dan, Chuck

**Spoiler:** "Riding in Town Cars with Boys"

**Length:** Part I of III

**Summary:** Dan can't save everyone, but he can give them the endings they deserve.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them for a few paragraphs.

**Author****'****s ****Note:** So this fic is a result of several things:

1). seeing M83 live. Or rather, hearing "Teen Angst" live. It does things to my nostalgia button

2). my deep-seated hatred of this season and what the writers have done to Blair. Since when did all of Queen B's problems revolve around choosing a man? And yes, I realize I'm writing this and then telling my story from Dan's perspective. Still…it works, I think.

3). my compulsive need to write this season the way I wanted it to be

Title courtesy of Heartless Bastards. Enjoy.

* * *

><p>It starts with cake.<p>

His phone rings, interrupts the inflammatory message he's writing on his fake twitter, and pulls him out of his reverie. He's been sitting in his pajama bottoms for three days having a flame war with himself, while his phone practically buzzes itself off the kitchen counter with righteous indignation. Maybe it's time to let go.

He slides his finger across the screen and puts the phone to his ear, expecting another lecture from his dad, but it's Blair Waldorf who cuts through the haze of self-pity.

"Humphrey," she barks into the phone. "Come over."

He glances at the clock. It's 8:15. If he has to go all the way to the Upper East Side and back, he'll never be home in time for _Revenge. _ Plus, he's barely spoken to her in a month. He doesn't even know what's going on in her life anymore. "Blair, I'd love to help, but I'm kind of busy."

"You're doing nothing of consequence, Humphrey, and I need you now."

He glances at the computer, the tweet he's started typing out, and he can't believe his whole life has become an orgy of negative press. He has a dvr and nothing but free time. "Okay," he says as he shuts down his laptop. "I'm heading for the train."

He doesn't need to take the subway. There's a car parked outside the loft and he's wrapped in the UES before he even leaves Brooklyn. He leans back against the plush leather and closes his eyes.

He ignores how familiar – expected – it all feels.

* * *

><p>When he finds Blair, she's surrounded by the cakes. Brown cakes and white cakes and yellow cakes and cheesecakes and even pink and red and deep black. There's a tiny woman with enormous glasses beside her, jotting notes as Blair samples and rejects and spits into a napkin Dorota holds in an open palm.<p>

He wonders, not for the first time, how much she gets paid, until he remembers how he changed his plans in less than thirty seconds when Blair Waldorf beckoned. They're all victims in her game.

"I'm here," he says and Dorota looks relieved while the gnome-like figure to Blair's left puts down her notepad and announces that she's taking a break.

"Good, you can help," Blair says and shoves a fork in his direction.

"What am I helping with?"

"Wedding cake, Humphrey! This isn't something I can do alone. Nate and Serena are working and my mother is still in Paris. You're the only person left. Help me choose."

"Shouldn't Louis be doing this with you? It's his wedding too."

"Louis is on a business trip," is all she says but her lips are pinched and her eyes are too bright and sharp. There's Chuck and the man he's become, and Louis and the man he's proving to be, and there's the man he's been all along. He could rub salt in the wound, make her open her eyes to the truth, but that's not the person he wants to be to her. Instead, he picks up his fork and digs into the closest slice. "Let's get to work."

* * *

><p>They narrow it down to chocolate or vanilla but Blair still can't choose. The chocolate is too rich and the vanilla is too bland and nothing seems to be just right. His teeth hurt from all the sugar, but he doesn't give up. He won't be another person to let Blair down.<p>

"Any one of them will be fine," he tells her even as she shakes her head at him.

"This is a royal wedding," she reminds him. "Fine isn't good enough."

"I like the chocolate a lot…" he starts but trails off when he sees a slice of something pink lurking untouched behind the rows of plates. "What about this one?"

"Strawberry, Humphrey? Do I look like the kind of person to put fruit in my wedding cake?

"Well, you're stuck. Give it a try."

"No."

"Blair, I think I gave myself diabetes from all the sugar we ingested. The least you can do is give it a shot. You might be surprised to find you like something different."

"Fine," she says and shoves a forkful in her mouth. She chews and mostly looks disgusted, but can't quite hide a smile of satisfaction as she swallows. "I can't believe Sylvia even suggested this cake for me. It's like she doesn't know me at all."

Dan nods, turns back to the chocolate and vanilla, and tries to help her choose.

He thinks about the way she smiled when she ate the strawberry cake. He wonders if she even knows herself.

* * *

><p>There's a text the next morning.<p>

Apparently helping Blair settle on vanilla wedding cake has repaired their friendship and he wakes before dawn with his phone buzzing insistently against his cheek.

There's two texts and a missed call and they all say the same thing: _Bring __bread._

There's no bread in the loft but there are three day old pizza crusts and he tucks them into a plastic bag before blearily padding out to the waiting towncar.

He's never been a part of Blair's tradition but he has no trouble following the directions the driver gives him and finds himself at the edge of the Lake. Blair is there in a checked coat and red hat that makes her skin glow even though no one should look so beautiful so early in the morning.

She doesn't say a word, but does reach out with one hand, red-wool covered fingers grasping in the air, and he holds out his own hand and waits to feel those small, slender fingers wrapped around his, but she snatches the bag from his grip.

"Unacceptable, Humphrey," she says as she slides off a glove to open the bag. "The ducks deserve better."

"Yeah, they probably deserve the best, but it's literally the crack of dawn. I did what I could under the circumstances."

"You could have stopped at the market."

"I didn't want to keep you waiting."

She looks like she wants to say something, the way her mouth pinches and her eyes narrow, but Dorota makes a noise behind her and the mood is broken. "Well, I appreciate the effort."

She turns to the pond and throws bread to the ducks. All he can see is her profile, flushed pink cheeks and bright eyes, and he's never seen her so at peace. He thinks of the expensive gifts Chuck and Louis used to shower her in; apparently, old pizza crust does the same in a pinch.

Dorota is lurking in the background all along and he can feel her staring at him, or rather, the back of his head. He ignores it for a while, throws bread with Blair, but it also feels like Dorota's trying to bore holes into his skull and it gets to him.

"What?" he asks because he knows he needs a haircut, but it's not even 6:00 am. He can't be blamed for the monstrosity atop his head.

"Strawberry not so bad," she says and he shakes his head and turns back to the pond and Blair and the serenity gracing her expression.

He can still feel Dorota's eyes on him the entire time. The Waldorfs definitely aren't paying her enough.

* * *

><p>There's a <strong>Gossip <strong>**Girl **blast the next morning.

He tries to ignore it and get on with his life, but he can't ignore the text that follows.

_thank you for helping her smile_

He stares at it a long while, lets the truth sink in: it's comforting to know he's in the same boat as Chuck Bass.

* * *

><p>Louis sends out the list of <strong>Gossip <strong>**Girl **source sand almost destroys his fiancée's entire world.

Blair tries to rationalize it the next day during a screening of_The Philadelphia Story_. "You wrote a book exposing everyone you know," she reminds him. "You're not one to talk."

"That book was never supposed to be published and when it was, I took responsibility for what I did. I didn't write it to hurt people."

They both know the same can't be said of Louis, but Blair tries anyway. "It's not who he really is," she insists. "He thinks he needs to compete with Chuck, but I know how to fix him."

She turns back to the movie and he keeps his mouth shut.

She's made her choice, even if it's the wrong one.

* * *

><p>There is something wet on his face. It's either the least erotic, erotic dream that he's ever had or the roof is leaking again. He doesn't particularly want to wake up and face either option, especially when he does open his eyes and realizes it's neither.<p>

Monkey is calmly licking his face while Chuck reclines against his bedroom door, sipping from his dad's "Welcome Back, Kotter" mug. It smells like coffee, but Dan has a strong suspicion it's also laced with scotch. He closes his eyes and opens them again, makes sure he's really awake, but there's far too much purple in the room for it to be a dream.

"Chuck?" he asks and blinks a few times to brush the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Chuck shrugs and puts down the book he was flipping through. "You're library is pathetically predictable."

Dan glances at the book – Fortress of Solitude – but keeps on going. "You didn't answer my question."

"We've been banned from feeding the ducks and Monkey is tired of Bergdorff blondes. We thought he might develop a taste for hipsters."

"You know you're in DUMBO, right, not Williamsburg?"

"Same difference."

Dan glances at the clock: it's 7:15 am. He's tempted to turn over and go back to sleep, but there's something in Chuck's eyes that keeps him awake, something that reminds him that you don't have to be a shut-in to feel alone.

"Give me ten minutes," he says and throws back the covers, swings his feet out of bed and heads for the shower.

They spend the day tossing sticks for Monkey in Brooklyn Bridge Park and drinking lattes from the local Starbucks.

It's not the worst way he's spent an afternoon.

* * *

><p>"What do you want?" he asks Blair one afternoon. They're not watching a movie, but they are bent over the Sunday crossword with mugs of tea steaming at their elbows.<p>

It's the most he's said to her all afternoon. The companionable silence has been a refreshing change from her constant crises of faith. He hates to kill the mood, but he can't ignore the truth either. She's not here with him because it's the first place she wants to be.

It takes her a long time to respond. "I want to be happy," she finally says, eyes resting on 77 across. "All I've ever wanted is to be happy."

"Does Louis make you happy?"

She smiles the way she did in high school, the way that tells him the words slipping off her tongue won't be the full truth. "I'm going to be a princess, aren't I?"

He moves his hand over hers and fills in the missing piece of the puzzle. Doom: destruction, or some other terrible fate.

* * *

><p>Louis comes for Thanksgiving.<p>

Lily is thrilled to have royalty in her home, but no one else smiles very much.

He shares three pre-dinner scotches with Chuck. Blair doesn't smile at all.

* * *

><p>The paparazzi notice Louis' absences and the papers blow up as if Georgina is back in town.<p>

"He's the wrong man for her," Chuck says into Dan's ear. He's perched right behind him, carefully instructing his personal barber as the man lops off Dan's curls. It's his words that startle Dan though; he's already used to Chuck's refusal to acknowledge personal space.

"He's who she wants," Dan reminds him. "You know Blair – she gets what she wants."

Chuck's fingers still on Dan's shoulder, dark curls falling around them. "And neither of us gets what we want."

St. Jude's flashes through Dan's eyes, Yale and Inside and all the failed attempts with Serena. He's used to living without what he wants. "She gets to be happy," he says softly. "There's nothing we want more."

Chuck's fingers tighten over his shoulder. "It's all I've ever wanted."

Dan meets his eyes in the mirror, bright and shining, sees himself there. This is what real love is: the girl gets happiness at the expense of their own.

* * *

><p>Blair appears in his loft a few days later.<p>

He shouldn't be surprised. He's seen the photos in the paper and the constant presence of photographers outside the penthouse, but he doesn't put it all together until he takes in the enormous circles under her eyes and the rip in her stockings. He's not sure who the girl is standing in front of him.

"They won't leave me alone," she says, bottom lip quivering. "I didn't know where else to go."

"You're always welcome here," he says even though it's a little redundant after she already broke into his apartment and has Jo Malone candles burning on every surface.

He opens his arms and she curls into his chest, wet cheeks buried in the soft flannel of his shirt.

He closes his eyes and holds her tight. Even though the moment isn't about him, he wants it to last.

* * *

><p>She stays a week and completely dismantles his apartment. He's not sure he minds. The place smells better and looks nicer than it has since his mom was in residence.<p>

They make their way through his collection of takeout menus and his Netflix queue, robbing the Audrey catalogue blind. He mostly doesn't care. He likes being with her like this, where the whole world can't watch them.

It's the only time he feels like he truly knows her.

Serena comes over one afternoon while Blair is in the bath.

She takes one look at the apartment, the soft music and steam seeping from under the bathroom door, the pile of dvds on the counter, the high heels lined up by the door, and takes action.

"I know what you're doing," she hisses, keeping her voice low so Blair can't hear, but not retracting a hint of venom. "Blair and Louis maybe having problems, but they're still engaged. This is not the time to be throwing your hat into the ring."

He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, tries to remember when he thought the sun rose and set on this girl's shoulders. It's been a long time since he learned to see through her. He's not going back. "That's not what I'm doing," he explains. "There are paparazzi everywhere and she needed a place to crash. We watch movies and eat pizza. There's nothing more to it."

He'd forgotten that Serena learned to see through him too. "You're in love with her."

"Yeah," he says quietly. "I guess I am."

Serena looks horrified and like she might cry, but she pastes a smile on her face. "How did that even happen?"

He smiles a wry smile to match hers. "In spite of myself, and honestly, many times in spite of her, I mean…I didn't want to. I've been trying to make it go away, but how do you kill a feeling?"

"I don't know."

"I'm not doing this because I want her to choose me. I'm doing this because I want her to be happy."

Serena's eyes get misty and there's more emotion there than he thinks he ever saw in all the days he was with her. "Dan, you're one of the good ones, you know?" She comes closer and brushes a kiss over his cheek. "I love you both," she says softly. "Take care of both of you."

The bathroom door opens almost immediately after Serena leaves and Blair emerges looking fresh and new and five years younger. She wears just a robe, her face scrubbed clean and her damp hair falling in twisted ropes around her face, and she looks lighter than he's seen her all week.

"What do you want to do?" she asks, turns her face so she can look into his eyes.

He could kiss her. It would be so easy to bend his head and brush his mouth against hers the way he's wanted to for months, but he takes Serena's words to heart.

He orders a pizza and pops in a fresh dvd. He watches her laugh and dries her tears, makes sure she eats and gets eight full hours of sleep.

He can't write her a happy ending but he can keep her safe until her world crashes down.

* * *

><p>His dad calls and demands he leave the apartment for a few hours. Blair rolls her eyes when he asks her permission and he takes it as a sign that he can go out for coffee.<p>

Still, when he comes back she's crying. It's not the pretty kind of crying either, but loud gulping sobs that make her face splotchy and her breathing hitched. Even so, she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.

She's hugging a pillow to her chest and it pulls tight the fabric of her dress, highlighting the rounded curve of her belly. His chest actually hurts, seeing the truth there with clear eyes: no matter how many days she hides out in his apartment, she's having a baby and marrying someone else.

"Blair, it's okay," he says and sits beside her, lets her rest her head on his shoulder. "I'm here, we'll get through this." He doesn't know what the problem is but he knows he'll stand by her through anything.

"I watched _High __Society_ while you were gone," she says. "Do you think Tracy and Mike will be happy together?"

He ignores the implications – past loves reuniting – and holds her closer. "I think it's a movie. In real life, you have to make your own happy ending."

"I can see the parallels," she says. "Me, Chuck, destiny…we're supposed to be together."

He pushes past the ache in his chest. "If he's what you want, I won't stand in your way."

"It's not what I was thinking about though. Grace Kelly never made another movie. She got married and had children and that was that." She pauses, rests a hand over the slight bump of her belly. "I thought I wanted to be a princess. I didn't realize it meant giving up my entire life."

He doesn't try and talk her out of it. He was there when she gave up school and her job and almost her friends. He spent the last few months ignoring those things in his own life. He knows how much he needs them to feel whole. "You have to choose, Blair. I can't decide what you want. This is something you need to do on your own."

"He's the father of my baby," she says and fresh tears spring to her eyes. "My dad left when I was fifteen…I won't make my own child go through that."

"My parents were married twenty years and the entire time my dad loved someone else. There is a third option here."

"Be alone?"

He almost laughs at the horror in her voice, but instead leans in to brush her hair from her face. He makes it so she has no choice but to look into his eyes and the ache in his chest eases when she doesn't look away. "Take it from someone with a tendency for raising other people's babies. You'll never be alone."

"Tell me what to do," she pleads but he shakes his head. He'll do almost anything for her but he won't do this. "I can't make this decision for you, Blair. You're the one who has to live with it."

She closes her eyes and breathes in deep and when she opens them they're the clearest they've been in over a week. "I can't marry Louis," she says and her voice is barely a whisper, but he hears her all the same. "I can't marry Louis," she repeats and he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

"Because you love Chuck?" he whispers because he has to know: did he put this all into motion so she could be with someone else?

"Because I love me."

"We all love you," he says, and all the truth in those four little words hangs in the air, but if she hears what he's really trying to say, she doesn't let herself fall into his trap.

"I'm going to need you, all of you, but especially you. Did you mean what you said, about helping with the baby?"

He feels the familiar pang in his chest that comes with thinking about Milo, but he thinks about the ways he can do it right this time and the pang settles into a warm memory.

"I'm here," he promises. "I'm not going anywhere."

He pulls her into his arms but she's the one to hold on so tight he thinks she might never let go.

* * *

><p>There's no blast the following morning, but there is a story on the front page of the <em>Spectator<em>. As her friend, Nate's paper is full of tact and respect, but it still lays out the truth in clear black and white: the fairytale wedding is off, Blair won't be a princess, Louis is going home.

He doesn't hear from her, but Serena assures him that she's fine and he leaves it at that. The girls are experts at navigating crises – he'll let them weather this storm alone.

It's Chuck who wants to talk.

"Thank you," he says and Dan swallows his surprise and puts the phone on speaker.

"I just kept her fed for a week."

"She's not marrying him," Chuck points out. "Maybe now she can have the ending she deserves."

"Yeah," he says. "I guess she will."

He hangs up, ignores the lie he told Chuck. He _knows_ Blair will finally have the future she deserves. He just wishes it was with him.

* * *

><p>Writers live for feedback – please leave some if you have the time.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** "Be So Happy"

**Author:** Lila

**Rating:** PG-13

**Character/Pairing:** Blair, Dan, Chuck

**Spoiler:** "Father and the Bride"

**Length:** Part II of III

**Summary****: **Dan can't save everyone, but he can still give them the endings they deserve.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, just borrowing them for a few paragraphs.

**Author's Note: **Apologies for the long delay – I kind of lost my way with this fic, but then I watched the most recent episode and saw red. So this is my way of dealing. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>Blair disappears in the aftermath. Or, rather, she falls off the map.<p>

Dan knows she's okay – she texts him regular updates, sometimes every hour on the hour – but he doesn't actually see her for several weeks after the scandal breaks.

She's busy, he knows, working out custody arrangements with the father of her baby who's no longer her fiancé. All is quiet on the Louis front, shockingly quiet, and he religiously refreshes his "Huffington Post" homepage, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It doesn't.

"Gossip Girl" is radio silent and Louis' sister has been disarmed and if not for the paparazzi constantly stalking the lobby of the penthouse, it would be like Blair never ended an engagement to a prince.

He misses her, but he doesn't push and he doesn't press, lets her figure things out at her own pace. He thinks of the years he held out for Serena, the decades his father gave to Lily.

The Humphrey men have always been experts at waiting.

* * *

><p>Chuck stays in touch.<p>

There's a text here, an email there, and one morning, a truly bizarre phone call.

"What does Blair like?" he asks and images spring into Dan's mind: watching movies in the loft, chamomile tea, leaning on me.

Instead, he answers Chuck's question with a question of his own. "Why are you asking me? Aren't you ChuckandBlair?"

There's a pause, a pause so long that Dan actually feels the tension despite the miles of technology between them, and then there's Chuck's voice on the line.

He sounds…he sounds unlike himself, without a trace of the normal sarcasm in his voice. "I don't know how to be her friend," he confesses. "So much has happened…somehow, you know her better than anyone. I need your help."

Dan wants to laugh, or cheer, and definitely gloat, because _iChuck Bass/i_ is asking him for help and in another world he might have been his greatest rival. Only he lives in this world, the one where Blair's happiness trumps all else, even besting someone he's hated half his life.

He does what he thinks Blair would want even if it's not what he wants. He gives Chuck his Netflix login and the address of Harney & Sons, forwards him the Film Forum newsletter and drops hints about the Guinness chocolate cake at Vinegar Hill House.

He leaves out how much she loves the pie at Bubby's, or watching the sun rise from his roof, or the way even _Blair Waldorf_ gets starstruck when they pass Norman Mailer's house during walks on the Promenade, or how perfectly her head fits into the curve where his neck and shoulder meet.

No matter the cost, he wants something of her for himself.

* * *

><p>"Really, Humphrey?" Blair says a few days later. "<em>Orphee<em> at the MoMa?" He winces and pulls the phone away from his ear. He'd wanted to play it cool, nonchalant, but he hasn't talked to her in over a month and couldn't resist picking up on the first ring.

"How was the movie?" he asks, avoids her question.

"Don't change the subject. You told Chuck to take me."

"He wanted to do something nice for you. Is that a problem?"

A pause and then her voice comes over the line, wavering a little to hide what has to be embarrassment. "Oh, well then." Again, a pause. "How kind of you." Her words thank him, but she doesn't sound satisfied.

"Blair? What's wrong?" She's being pleasant enough but even without seeing her face he knows she's hiding something.

Another long pause. "It's just that…I thought you didn't want to go with me."

He can hear the disgust in her voice and it makes him smile. He's never known anyone who tries so hard to pretend she doesn't need anyone else. "How was the movie?"

"It was fine, but…I like seeing movies with you."

"I know it's not your style, but _White Heat _is playing next week. Do you want to go?"

There's no pause this time. "Only if you buy me a hot chocolate afterwards."

"Deal."

It's not a date, but he goes to bed feeling better than he has in weeks.

* * *

><p>Lily throws a party for Charlie on New Year's Eve.<p>

She claims it's to introduce her newfound niece to society, but Dan knows it's really because she likes shiny things and any excuse for a party.

He doesn't particularly want to attend, but Lily is family and he's with Blair when the invitation arrives in the mail and the way her face lights up makes something tighten in his chest.

Which is why he's currently pacing out outside a Bergdorf's dressing room, because he knows what it means to Blair to be normal again, to get out and forget just for one night, and he's willing to submerge himself in designer hell to keep her that way.

"Blair?" he asks and quietly knocks on the door. It takes her forever to try on clothes, but it's still been too long. "Everything okay?"

She doesn't answer, but the door isn't locked and he softly pushes it open. She's standing before the mirror in a deep green dress that's short-sleeved and clingy, hitting a few inches above her knee and molding to the bump of her belly. She's not huge, but the dress is much tighter than the baggy things she usually wears, and the truth is impossible to avoid. She and Louis are over, but she's still having his baby. He can't stop staring at her.

"I'm fat," she says, her voice tiny and sad, and he lifts his eyes to lock with hers. They're filled with tears and he pushes the door all the way open so he can step into the room.

He gently grasps her shoulders and steers her away from the mirror, makes her face him so she can see what's in his heart: _that he loves her, that she's perfect, that it hurts him when she cries. _ He wants her to see all those things, even if he'll never say them out loud.

"You're pregnant," he reminds her.

"Pregnant and fat."

"Pregnant and beautiful."

She blinks and the tears stop threatening to fall. "It's a myth that pregnancy makes you glow."

"Maybe for other women, but not when it comes to you."

She laughs and the tears are completely gone. "For someone who talks way too much, you somehow know when to say the right thing."

He shrugs. "It's because I know you."

He waits for her challenge, for her to remind him that Serena and Chuck and even Nate know her best, but she doesn't correct him. She just smiles and rests a hand on her belly. "Do you want to feel the baby kick?"

Despite her previous statement, he's at a loss for words. He doesn't really want to feel her baby, the baby she's having with someone else, but that bump is a part of her. He can't walk away from anything that's hers. "Okay," he says and his breath catches in his chest as she takes his hand and places it over the rounded expanse of her belly. Sure enough, he can feel a sharp kick against his palm and much as it pains him, he can't help but take in the wonder of it. "Oh, wow," he says. "That's amazing."

"I know," Blair replies. Her hand is still resting over his, their fingers intertwined. "When I was with Louis, it was easy to forget. There was the wedding and all those plans, and I wasn't really showing. I was going to be a princess. Having a baby was the last thing on my mind."

"And now?" Another kick, and they both laugh.

"Now it's the only thing I can think about." Her eyes water, but it isn't sadness threatening to spill down her cheeks. "I'm so scared, Dan. How can I not screw this up?"

He wants to cup her face in his hands, but he keeps his hand on her belly instead, her child's foot or elbow drumming against his palm. Blair isn't the only one he made a promise to. "You're going to be an amazing mother," he assures her, but the expression on her face says otherwise.

"Why? Because my own mother was such a great role model? Because I did an amazing job mentoring Jenny? Because – "

He cuts her off before she can continue ripping herself to shreds. "Because of the way you always save Serena, and Chuck, and sometimes even save me. Because of how you let Cyrus into your life even though he was the last person you thought your mother should marry. Because of how much you need Dorota, even if you won't admit it." He takes his free hand and reaches up to push her hair back from her face, cup her cheek in his palm. "Because when you love, you love with everything in you. My parents weren't perfect, but I always knew they loved me. I think that's the only thing that really matters."

The smile on her face tells him that his words are exactly what she needed to hear.

* * *

><p>Dan forces himself into a suit and hopes Charlie's party isn't a typical, UES affair.<p>

Unfortunately, he's wrong.

Word leaks that the (non)princess of Monaco will be making an appearance and photographers crowd around the front door.

Blair arrives via the service entrance, wearing the green dress, open and proud of her pregnancy, and he catches her eye when she steps out of the elevator with Serena at her side.

She's smiling and there's color in her cheeks and her eyes sparkle and he knows her, so he knows she's scared, but this was the right choice. She needs a night out. She needs to feel beautiful for a few hours.

Her reprieve lasts about twenty minutes.

A few of the photographers sneak in and the stark, bright light of the flashbulbs highlights the panic on Blair's face. This was supposed to be her escape; her problems weren't supposed to follow her here.

She and Serena are at his side almost immediately while he tries to think of a course of action. "You need to get out of here," he says and she rolls her eyes.

"Wow, Humphrey. Way to state the obvious."

He represses a smile. Despite the turn of the evening, the bite in her words let him know she's feeling better.

"I can take her," Chuck offers. He's appeared out of nowhere, empty handed but steely eyed. Dan recognizes that look; he wears it himself. "My car is waiting downstairs."

Serena shakes her head. "You shouldn't be seen with her," she reminds him, the weight of _ChuckandBlair_ hanging over all of them.

"We'll distract them," Dan suggests. It's not like he's never done it before. He takes Serena's hand. "Ready for Serena and Dan, Part Whatever?"

Serena doesn't really answer, but her fingers tighten around his. "Yeah," she says, her voice soft and a bit breathless. "Let's make it look real."

The press turns its attention to them and he's surprised at how familiar it feels. He's used to flashbulbs in his face, his name in papers. He can barely remember when he truly was Lonely Boy. Serena's a regular in the gossip columns and the reporters jump at the chance to break the hottest story. He smiles and keeps an arm wrapped around Serena. He ignores the way she melts into his side, rests her head on his shoulder.

Above the crowd he can see Chuck ushering Blair to the elevator, one hand resting on the small of her back. She looks back once and her silent thank you is exactly what he needs. He manages to catch her eye before the door closes and he sees the gratitude lurking there.

He knows better than to pretend it's anything more.

* * *

><p>Dan's dancing with Serena when his father's fingers clasp tightly over his shoulder. He looks up to meet Lily's tear-filled eyes.<p>

"There's been an accident," is all she says.

* * *

><p>Blair is fine, mostly minor bumps and bruises, an enormous one marring the smooth expanse of her forehead, but Chuck bears the brunt of the crash. The doctors tell them there's nothing to do but wait for him to wake up and Lily refuses to leave his side; his father stays with her.<p>

They're not allowed to see Blair until morning and Dan spends most of the night staring at his dress shoes while Serena paces nervously beside him.

Nate shows up when she goes in search of coffee, looking rumpled and exhausted

"Nate, hey –" he starts, unsure how to talk to his former friend. Things have been increasingly awkward between them since the publication of his book.

Nate shakes his head and wraps his arms around Dan, pulling him flush against a hard chest. "None of that stuff is important anymore," he says and Dan breathes out in relief. He can't lose something else he cares about tonight.

Nate pulls away and smiles his sheepish smile and takes a seat. "What did the doctors say?"

Dan sighs and collapses into a neighboring chair. "There's nothing technically wrong with him. He just needs to wake up."

Nate stretches. "Timing has never been his strong suit." Serena comes back at that moment carrying coffee, but seeing Nate, she shoves the cups into Dan's hands and collapses in Nate's arms.

"Nate," she sobs and buries her face in the curve of his neck. Dan remembers the look in her eyes just a few hours ago even as he watches how Nate's arms wrap around her and his hand moves in comforting circles over her back and she holds onto him like he's the only thing keeping her afloat.

For the first time in years, he doesn't feel like he belongs.

* * *

><p>He goes to Blair as soon as the doctors will let him into her room.<p>

He's never been so relieved to see someone smile.

* * *

><p>Lily gets stuck with the arrangements, Dan gets stuck with the dog.<p>

He doesn't have to take him. Dan knows this. Chuck has a butler and a valet and Nate, but he _wants_ to take him.

He tells himself it's guilt, responsibility – he was the one to buy the dog, he should look after him in his owner's absence. He ignores the part where it's his most tangible connection to Chuck.

On the third night, Monkey comes over, rests his head on Dan's thigh, and whines pitifully.

Dan reaches down, scratches behind his ears. "I know how you feel," he says, no longer shocked by the truth in his words. "I miss him too."

* * *

><p>A week after the accident, he checks in on Blair to find her room is empty.<p>

He stops at the nurse's station, Chuck's room, even the cafeteria, and when he finally finds her she's in the chapel, on her knees before the altar. He can't hear most of what she's saying, but her last words ring through the room: _Let him live._

"Blair?"

She jerks and stumbles to her feet, resting one hand on the nearest pew. Her hair is a complete mess and there are dark smudges under her eyes, but she's still beautiful. She'll always be beautiful to him. "Humphrey!" she exclaims and her brows knot as she comes up with an excuse. Blair Waldorf is many things, but religious isn't one of them. "I was just…" she starts, but quickly gives up. She can no longer hide from him.

He takes her hand and guides her to the pew. They sit in silence for a minute or two before he presses the subject. "What's going on?"

"I need him to wake up," she finally says and her voice trembles and her eyes are filled with tears, and it makes his chest tight, because she's never been so worked up over him.

"You heard the doctors," he reassures her. "It's just a matter of time."

She suddenly grabs him, digs her nails into the backs of his hands. It hurts, but he doesn't let go. "What if he doesn't get better? If he dies…he'll never know." The pinch in his chest gets tighter, so tight it's getting hard to breathe, because he knows what she's going to say before the words leave her mouth. It's why Louis has left her alone, why there's been no pre-baby custody battle, why she's more than terrified to lose another man in her life. "Chuck's the father of my baby." She whispers the words, but he hears them even over the blood roaring in his ears. He knows they're not rivals, but devastation cinches around his heart. He takes a deep gasping breath; it feels like his heart is exploding in his chest. "Dan?" she whispers. "Say something."

"How?" is all he can ask. He was there when she had the paternity test done, when she got the results, when she chose to ignore her own future. He doesn't understand how this could happen.

"The paternity test only said the DNA sample matched the baby's." She pauses, closes her eyes. "It never said whose DNA I submitted."

"You weren't even talking to Chuck then. How did you manage it?"

"Please. Half the female population of the Greater New York area has a sample of Chuck's DNA. It wasn't exactly a challenge."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

She opens her eyes and tries to look into his, but he keeps his eyes trained straight ahead. He's open and raw; he's not ready to let her see how deep her revelation has sliced. "You remember what he used to be like," she reminds him. "I didn't want that man to be the father of my child."

"That's not something you get to choose." His tone is harsh and cutting, but he doesn't apologize. He's angry and hurt and he doesn't want to cause her more pain, but some things are out of his control. It was one thing when Louis was the father of her baby; it's another when it's half of _ChuckandBlair_.

"I know," she admits. "At first I was going to say something, because what if he needed stem cells or something like that? But then the doctors said there's nothing they could do and I kept waiting and waiting and a week's gone by and he still hasn't opened his eyes. What if he never knows?"

Dan could say something mean and vindictive, hurt her the way she's hurt him, but he doesn't because it's not her fault. He might have given her his heart, but she never promised to keep it safe. "He's going to wake up," Dan assures her and takes her hand in his, squeezes lightly to make his words seem real. "He's Chuck Bass. He still has a few lives left in him."

"I'm going to tell him. As soon as he wakes up, I'm going to tell him." She pauses and turns to look into his eyes and this time he can't look away. They're warm and brown and full of need. He thinks he could drown in those eyes. "Will you come with me?"

There are many things Dan will do for Blair Waldorf: fake a relationship with Serena, camp out in a Bergdorf's dressing room, push aside paparazzi, walk through fire, but he can't do this. That pinch tightens in his chest; some things are just too much. "No," he says and keeps looking in her eyes the entire time. Hers widen and her mouth opens in surprise, but he doesn't back down. "You hid this from him long enough. You can't hide behind me." He smiles, to let her know he isn't abandoning her completely. "Blair, it's time to be brave."

"He's going to hate me."

"You know, considering all you two have been through, he probably won't."

She smiles, but then frowns. "There was that time he traded me for a hotel."

Dan squeezes her hand again. "He might be mad at first, but when he realizes what he's getting…it's not going to matter anymore."

Suddenly, the door opens and a nurse pops her head into the room. "Ms. Waldorf? He's awake!"

Blair turns to him, eyes bright and dancing, even if her mouth is still twisted with worry. "He heard my prayers. I got my wish!"

Dan sighs. "Please tell me you're not going to make a pact with god. You know it was modern medicine, right?"

She shakes her head. "Maybe, but this is still a sign. She turns her eyes to the ceiling and Dan resists the urge to roll his. "He did his part, now it's time to do mine."

"You're going to tell him."

She nods. "You'll be there, right? When it's over?"

"Of course," Dan says, lies through his teeth to the woman he loves. She's beautiful and vulnerable, but there are some things that make even white knights run.

* * *

><p>He doesn't even pretend to stick around, packs a bag and gets his dad's car out of the garage, and heads to Yonkers.<p>

Eric's eyes are strained with worry when he opens his dorm room door. "My mom called and said that Chuck's awake. Did something happen?"

Behind him, Jonathan lays a comforting hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. Dan quickly reveals his reasons for showing up unannounced.

"He's fine," he says and Eric's eyes ease. "I just need a friend right now."

"My home is your home," Eric says and opens the door wide.

Dan doesn't make him promise not to laugh, but he does swear him and Jonathan to secrecy. He already feels guilty enough for leaving; he doesn't need them spilling Blair's truths before she's ready.

"Chuck is the father of Blair's baby," he blurts out and is entirely disappointed when neither Eric nor Jonathan looks particularly surprised.

"This isn't shocking news?"

Eric shrugs. "It's not like they both don't consider lying an art form. The larger question is, why are you so upset?"

"She's going to go back to him."

"He is the father of her baby," Jonathan points out.

"And she grew up in a broken home," Eric chimes in. "Wanting a nuclear family is kind of a foreseen conclusion."

Dan mostly huffs and puffs while Jonathan looks confused, but Eric gets it. "You haven't told her how you feel."

"With everything happening in her life, it didn't seem fair."

"Last time we talked, you said you promised to help her through this."

"Yeah, but –"

"You came here, rather than stay and deal with it." Jonathan cocks an eyebrow, just to hammer home the point.

Dan's sick of the abuse. "Look, there's a lot I can put up with, but watching Chuck and Blair get back together and bond over their baby? That's above my pay grade."

"You made a promise," Eric reminds him.

"You could tell her how you feel," Jonathan adds.

"Or, I can stay here and let them figure it out."

The twin expressions on both their faces tell him that his plan is not a viable option.

"If you need a break, you need to tell her that," Eric says, his eyes wise as always. "I've had five dads. Yours is the only one who's stayed. That's what counts."

Dan sighs. "I have to go back."

Eric and Jonathan nod in unison, but they're also smiling. "Stop beating yourself up," Eric says. "Stay the night. There's no rush to make things right."

Dan stays, drinks a few beers, snorts a line of adderall, and can't fall asleep. He ends up on Eric's roof watching the sun rise.

It' s a new day. He hopes Blair can give him the fresh start he needs.

* * *

><p>Blair is laying on the chaise when he arrives to plead his case, her feet propped on a pillow and an Audrey movie on the flatscreen. Dorota and Cyrus hover and Eleanor barks orders from the office, but all the parents seem relieved when he shows up.<p>

Blair regards him with indifference when Dorota shows in him in, clucking her tongue angrily. The adults quickly vacate the room and he's left to face what he's done.

"Humphrey."

"Hey, Blair," he says sheepishly.

"How was your trip?"

"I'm sorry," he says because he's tired and hungover and keeps snorting turquoise goop out of his nose and his brain can't keep up.

She doesn't forgive him the way he'd hoped. "You should be. Where were you?"

Suddenly, he's angry. He's angry at himself for letting it get to this point, angry with her for letting him make his entire life about catching her whenever she falls.

"I take it back," he starts. "I'm not sorry that I wasn't there, but I am sorry that I promised I would be. If I keep fixing you, you're never going to be able to fix yourself."

She blinks, stunned that he would be so unflinching with his words, and then her eyes fill with tears. "When did I become this person?" she asks. "I used to do the saving. When did I become the one that needed to be saved?"

Dan feels bad. He's made her cry and doubt herself and he doesn't know which one he hates more. He pushes the pillow aside and sits down, lets her feet rest in his lap. "This year hasn't been easy for you," he reminds her. "It's okay to struggle."

"I feel like I'm drowning."

"I'm back," he says. "I'll help you stay afloat."

"Why did you leave?" she asks, lays out the one question he can't answer. He doesn't want to lie to her, but the truth is too much.

Which is what he tells her. "It was too much. I felt like I was in over my head and I panicked." He omits how it felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest when she revealed that she and Chuck share something that he'll never have.

"I know how you feel," she says and rests a hand on the mound of her belly. She's getting bigger, already six months along; pretty soon she'll be holding her baby in her arms instead of carrying it beneath her heart. "But no matter how scared I am, it's still happening. Running won't change that. I understand that this has been a lot for you, but…" She pauses and her mouth trembles. "Please don't make anymore promises that you can't keep."

Dan though nothing could hurt more than her chapel confession, but this hurts the most: he can't believe he's another person who's disappointed her.

"I promise," he says and means it this time. He clears his throat and changes the subject; he needs the pinch in his chest to ease. "How did it go with Chuck?"

Blair sucks in a deep breath. "I did it. I don't know what happens next."

"We'll figure it out. Together."

He means every word he says.

* * *

><p>Dan's the one to find out what happens next.<p>

He gets a call when he's leaving Blair's. It's Chuck's valet and he insists that Dan come by the Empire.

"It's Monkey," he says. "He won't eat."

"Did you try putting food in his bowl?" Dan suggests. He feels better, but he's still tired and hungover. All he wants is his bed.

There's a long pause and Dan sighs, knows he won't get anywhere over the phone. "I'll be right there."

* * *

><p>Chuck's valet apologizes profusely when he lets Dan in, but the reasons behind his deception are obvious.<p>

Monkey is fine but the suite is not. There are empty bottles of alcohol everywhere and a joint smoking in an ashtray and suspicious lines of powder on the coffee table. Dan initially thinks Chuck and Nate are having the world's greatest lost weekend until he spots What To Expect When You're Expecting peeking out from under the couch.

"Daaaaan," Nate drawls and Chuck glances up at him, downs his entire scotch.

"Humphrey, how nice of you to join us." He gestures towards the coffee table. "What's mine is yours."

Dan's still coughing up blue and politely declines. "No, thanks." He looks around the room, Monkey happily panting at his feet, and tries to figure out the situation. "What's going on?" he asks.

They both ignore him.

"What about Xerxes?" Nate asks, plucks the joint from the ashtray.

"Too much jewelry."

"Leonidas?"

"Lost the war."

Nate's eyes light up. "Theron!"

Dan glances at the tv screen, cuts in before Chuck can respond. "Are you trying to name the baby after a character from _300_?"

His words put a damper on the mood and Nate groans while Chuck reaches for the Lagavulin. "Perceptive, Humphrey. Perhaps you can also tell that Nate can't handle his weed."

"Hey!" Nate protests, but the dopey grin on his face gives him away.

After his afternoon with Blair, Dan doesn't have the energy for playing nice. "Seriously, man? You're going to do this to Blair? Do you know what it took for her to tell you the truth?"

Chuck's eyes flair. "It wasn't her truth to keep."

"No, it wasn't," Dan agrees. "But you understand why she did it, right?" He gestures around the room and even Nate has the smarts to look ashamed.

"What do you expect?" Chuck sneers. "This is my life."

"Bullshit," Dan says angrily. "You made yourself a different person once. You can do it again. So you have daddy issues. Everyone has issues. You don't get to run away."

"Woah," Nate says and Dan glares at him. He sinks into his seat with the joint, eyes wide.

"Touché," Chuck says. "But I will remind you: just because you wrote a book telling all your friends what you think is wrong with them, doesn't make you a therapist."

"No, but it makes me care." He's suddenly exhausted. His eyes shift from Chuck and his scotch to Nate and his joint. When did he become the adult? "Chuck, you can do this. I've seen you change before. That person isn't gone."

Just as suddenly Chuck cracks: his shoulders slump and his hands start to shake and Dan thinks he might even cry. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can." Dan might not be a therapist, but he does consider becoming a life coach if writing doesn't work out.

"You knew my father," Chuck whispers. "You saw what kind of man he was. You know the kind of father I'll be."

Life coach is starting to seem increasingly likely. "You don't have to be your dad. My parents made plenty of mistakes. I mean, they probably shouldn't have ever gotten married in the first place. But I always knew that they'd be there for me. That hasn't changed. I've screwed up plenty but my dad has never turned his back on me. If you can do that, the rest doesn't matter."

"Why do you even care?"

The question takes Dan by surprise and he needs a minute to come up with an answer. "Because it matters to Blair," he finally says. "Because she's terrified and she needs you to be there for her. Because your kid deserves a father who cares." He takes a deep breath before his last point. "Because somewhere along the way, we became friends, and if you don't do this now you will always regret it and I can't let you do that."

Chuck responds with a slow clap.

Dan gets up. "I said my piece. It's up to you now."

"Wait, don't go!" Nate protests. "I'll help. Let's make the guest room a nursery." His eyes are even redder and Dan's never been so grateful for his friend's stoner side taking over. "We can paint!"

"I can help," Dan says. "But you need to give me something to work with."

Chuck puts down the glass and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. His eyes are surprisingly clear considering the amount of alcohol he's consumed. "Tell me what to do."

For the second time in one day, Dan makes a promise he intends to keep.

* * *

><p>Chuck is sober when he and Blair bring their families together at the Van der Bass-Humphrey residence to share their news.<p>

Serena already knows and she gives Blair's hand a squeeze before the announcement, but sits close to Dan. "I can't believe this is happening," she whispers and looks at him with liquid eyes, but he can't stop thinking about Blair. It's hard to remember that he ever felt the same way about a different girl.

Chuck and Blair stand together, not holding hands but brushing shoulders, and the movement draws everyone's eyes to them. Blair looks nervous but Chuck looks like he's going to throw up and Dan desperately searches the room for a trashcan. He doesn't find one, but he does look right into Blair's eyes, smiles encouragingly, and some of the anxiety disappears from her face.

The crowd falls silent as Blair opens her mouth to say something, but Chuck quickly cuts her off. "I'm the father of Blair's baby," he blurts out and Blair looks annoyed but quickly smiles to smooth over the faux paux.

"It's true," she says over the murmur of assorted parents and siblings. "We're not getting back together," she adds. "But we are going to raise the baby as a family." She gestures around the room. "That includes all of you."

Cyrus wraps his stepdaughter in his arms and Eleanor downs her wine and Lily moans that she isn't old enough to be a grandmother.

Blair never stops looking into Dan's eyes.

* * *

><p>Dan keeps his promise; Chuck does too.<p>

He stays clean and sober, actually reads his baby books, rejects every name Nate suggests. They paint the guest room a soft shade of green and Dan programs Chuck's phone to remind about doctor's appointments.

Blair takes up prenatal yoga, which means Chuck does too, and Dan's not a bit surprised when he comes home and there's a mat engraved with "D.H." outside his front door.

He doesn't even question it. Just changes into a pair of sweatpants and slips into the waiting towncar.

He's glad this is his life.

* * *

><p>Chuck has a business trip to Shanghai so Dan goes with Blair to her doctor's appointment.<p>

She's seven months along and looks like someone stuffed a bowling ball under her dress.

From the back, she looks exactly the same. From the front, her belly juts out about a foot in front of the rest of her, and she has trouble getting into cabs and pulling herself off the couch. He helps her, just as he promised.

"How are you feeling?" he asks in the car ride over. She looks tired and keeps rubbing her stomach.

"Okay," she says. "Not much action today."

He smiles. "Must be a nice to get a break."

She smiles too. "I miss my old body. I love my baby, but no one's ankles should be so swollen."

"Just a few more months."

"I'm ready," she says, stops, and amends her statement. "Rather, I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

He squeezes her hand. "You're going to do great."

She smiles like she believes the words she says. "Yeah, I am."

* * *

><p>Dan watches in vague horror as the tech smears jelly all over Blair's belly. It's one thing to know the baby is in there but another all together to see how tight it's stretching her skin. He half expects a tiny hand to burst through <em>Alien-<em>style.

"How are you?" the tech asks Blair.

"Okay," she says, winces from the coldness of the gel. "I haven't felt the baby kick today."

The tech nods and fiddles with the monitor. "Maybe baby is just taking a nap."

Blair turns her attention to Dan. "Is this too weird for you? You can step outside if you need to."

"I'm fine," he insists even though he is kind of weirded out. But it's not the worst, or strangest thing he's done for her, so he stays put and focuses his attention on the tv monitor. He can see the outline of the baby and assumes it's taking one hell of a nap because there's no movement on the screen.

"Is everything okay?" Blair asks. The tech has been silent a long time and all eyes are locked on the silent monitor.

The tech looks at them, her face a blank mask. "I'll get the doctor. She can explain further."

Blair looks at him with a tear-streaked face and says the words they both don't want to hear. "My baby is dead."

* * *

><p>Dan has learned many things about babies over the course of Blair's pregnancy, but nothing is more terrible than a late-term miscarriage.<p>

Blair's child is viable, but it doesn't have a heartbeat and it's not a baby any longer. She has to push it out even if she'll never hear it cry.

The doctors encourage her to start sooner than later and there's no time for Eleanor or Chuck to make it home.

Instead he holds her hand on one side while Serena encourages from the other, and they both watch in horror as a perfect boy slides into the doctor's hands.

He's tiny but whole, with a cap of dark hair and fingernails, but no breath escaping his lungs.

Blair sobs the entire time, especially when she holds her son in her arms, and Dan has to fight hard to keep his tears from falling as he watches the woman he loves mourn the child she lost.

She isn't the only one to lose something.

* * *

><p>Writers live for feedback – please leave some if you have the time.<p> 


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